After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
