i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
someone owes me an orgasm
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
