Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
