is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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