I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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