If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
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