I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
