We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
