last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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