I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
