Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
