Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
