come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
