and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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