Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
