im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
