I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
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Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
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we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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