I just cut my nipple shaving
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
