Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
