dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I have aggressive nipples.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
