he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
