And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
