I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i was born a porn star she said
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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