i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
