TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
