have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
