Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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