We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
