My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Randomize
