just come out here and I will go home with you...
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
