I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
being pregnant is like rehab
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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