In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Randomize
