the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
