I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
