You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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