Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
