God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
