Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
