o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
