I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
the liver wants what the liver wants
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
