it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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