Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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