Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
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