Can i not drive my cunt home
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
