I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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