Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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