We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
