i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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