you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
