MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
