I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
