apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
