So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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