"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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