Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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