I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
