shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
