ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
