I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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