Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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