I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize