see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I am midnight drunk by noon
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
