I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
